Several years ago when I was pondering whether or not to date this guy I met at college, (this guy is now my husband) a friend of mine asked me the following; Are you growing more spiritually with or without him? Is your relationship with this guy encouraging a closer relationship with God or hindering it?
What a wonderful question to ask! Have you thought about this before when considering what kind of person you want to make a marriage commitment to?
Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
In this world we are to be that kind of friend to one another and have those kind of relationships that build up, encourage, lovingly educate, etc. In a marriage situation, one person should be looking at their future spouse and desiring to be this kind of partner for them. We strive to be this for our friends, but in marriage, it ought to be our intent to be making a specific commitment to be the iron that sharpens our spouses character. In this way we hope that it could be said that our spouse's relationship with Christ grew through their marriage to you rather than was hindered by it!
Ephesians 4:1-3 " I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
Serving the Lord together you can accomplish great things to bring glory to God. To sustain your desire to be a united instrument for the Lord to use, however, unity between you and your spouse is very important. Again, these are qualities we should extend to those around us, but as you marry you are making a commitment to be humble and gentle with your spouse, to be patient with your spouse, to bear them up in a loving manner, and to seek unity with them in Christ. Pray together regularly! Seek God's direction for your marriage! Keep communication open and honest with each other so that you can process your feelings, goals and desires in a healthy way and be the most purposeful with your choices!
Hebrews 13:1-6 " Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we can confidently say, " The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?""
Where ever you make your home once married, use your home and marriage to help others, shelter others, serve others, be hospitable and loving toward others as you would treat Christ. Establishing a home, wherever it may be and whatever it may be like....house, hut, trailer, etc., it is an addition to your ability to minister! Do not be unfaithful to God or to your spouse with your thoughts, dreams, actions, etc. Be content with however much or however little you have....do not seek money but relationships and in living that out you can be confident that the Lord will protect and provide for you!
James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Marriage is hard work and is just plain hard! In your marriage you will encounter rough spots, situations that will test you that you will need to work through together. As odd as it may seem, appreciate the hurdles that you encounter! Through these trials you have an opportunity for your relationship with your spouse to grow and become stronger! Your faith will strengthen and your marriage will experience greater unity! That is something to feel and express great joy over!
Ephesians 5: 22-24 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."
Submitting is hard all by itself, but I think that it is getting harder in today's culture for wives to submit to their husbands. There is a general trend among men in our churches that the men are displaying less and less leadership qualities and the ability to manage things they have a responsibility over. Women are natural multitaskers and many of us in our desire to manage our households well, do more than we should; and when our husbands neglect this or that, we step right up and accomplish the task! Sometimes we forget about promoting growth within our husband and are more concerned with getting the neglected task done. I want to challenge you to instead of just racking up accomplishments and filling in the gaps our husbands leave or cleaning up their messes, that you make it intentional to encourage his leadership role. Do what you can as each situation presents itself to help your husband be molded into the leader of your home! Lovingly encourage and pray for your husband in the role that he is growing into!
I Corinthians 10: 23-24 "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor."
There will be moments in your marriage where you will want to say, "I am right, you are wrong!" There will be times you will want to point out your spouses error or indicate what they could have done better. While there may be times that you indeed are correct, had the right answer, or the best suggestion, and the best solution, it is not for you to say or do such things in a way that would put down your spouse or hinder their spiritual growth. If holding your tongue, exhibiting patience or letting go of your thoughts and giving them to God allows you to better use a circumstance to encourage, lovingly suggest, discuss something together with your spouse for the benefit of their growth, then know that this is what you should do! In a marriage it should be the goal of each person to build up and edify their spouse and to push them toward Christ! Your marriage is important....but not as important as your individual relationship with Christ! Make it a priority to promote your spouses relationship and growth as an individual with Jesus Christ!
1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
As a child of God, whether married or not, it is our ultimate purpose on this earth to bring God glory, and to make sure that He alone is getting the glory and not seeking any for ourselves. If you want to know the absolute best way that you can love your spouse, the answer is to push them toward Christ. Promote, encourage and strengthen their spiritual growth and you will both be rewarded! Be a sharpening iron for your spouse and as you do so give all the glory to God!
May you have a very blessed marriage!
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